Non-Recent Ideas


The Maryland Chapter of the Anti-Squirrel Coalition

Older ideas

Recent Ideas (4/22/97)

A Squirrel, apparently trying to attack me, scared me half to death today by jumping at my window and hanging on the screen. Apparently they know where I live. They have been following me and making noises from trees. I think its because I have spotted the supreme leader! It was a squirrel with yellow ears. They are closely monitoring me, so I can't say much more.... (1/6/97)


Last week a squirrel outside the Engineering building here at UMCP almost tripped me. It was busy dragging a 5 foot long paper towel to an undisclosed location. Anyway this must be some new phase of their quest for world domination.

Obviously the plan is to deplete the world supply of paper towels. Human kind will then be unable to wash our hands. Then the squirrels will release their engineered bacteria that is passed by unclean hands and kills off our species.

I plan to avert this fate by stockpiling paper towels in a place where the squirrels will never get them. I cannot disclose this place, as the squirrels are monitoring this page.

------Director in Chief Weaver


The squirrels are really out in droves here at UMCP. They seem to be stroing acorns for the eventual nuclear holocaust they plan. They will stay in their little fallout shelters eating their acorns until humanity is dead.

They also seem to be gradually occupying those circular thingies that are for hanging posters on. You know they have those all over. Many are inhabited by squirrels.

Also the squirrels no who I am now and they seem to follow me. Occasionally they run under my feet, as if to prove they could eliminate me at any time.

Currently I am working on a plan.

I have sent a nasty e-mail to the leader of the SQUIRREL CLAN (see links below) telling him he is a traitor the human race.
-------------Director in Chief Weaver

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