My Own Alumni Directory

My own Alumni Directory

As an alumni, I now get the nifty little newsletter, ensuring I will always know what is going on at good old 703 Churchville Road. The part I always find most interesting is the part where alumni write in and say what they are doing now. Usually its only at most one person per class, but they seem to be having a really great life. It makes me wonder what the rest of the class is doing. So I decided to make a FAKE one as a JOKE!! Do not take this seriously!! It is meant to be HUMOROUS! It in no way reflects any actual Alumni, and anything that has an element of fact is PURELY COINCIDENTAL!

Anyone wishing to make submissions, send them to me and if I like them, I will include them.

Fake JC Alumni

And these are the people who have written in to say how they are doing!

Class of 1996

Vince Weaver - Vince wrote in to tell us he is plotting world domination. He plans on starting with Prince George's County, then Maryland, then the world! Pretty Ambitious! He says hi to all his friends and looks forward to meeting them at the 5 year reunion, saying "HAHAHAHA I WILL RULE YOU ALL BY THEN!" Good Luck, Vince!
Steve Dorsch - Steve is also planning great things. Having acquired ownership of both the Baltimore Orioles and the New York Yankees, he is now in hiding. There have been so many death-threats against him after his move of the Yankees to their new home in Portland, Oregon, that he can no longer appear in public. "Please don't reveal my location, and say hi to everyone for me" he says. Sure Steve! Have fun at your new home in Ocean City, Maryland!

Nick Attanasio - Nick has sent us e-mail saying he has escaped from a mental hospital. Apparently a government conspiracy imprisoned him there. He claims the government is corrupt and he has figured out the entire plot. Unfortunately they are out to get them. He writes

       "... they are behind everything.  The Aliens at Roswell, the
        Kennedy assassination, the election of Bill Clinton, the
        rise of Microsoft.  They have one weakness.  It's to
        AHHHHH THEY'VE FOUND ME!!! HELP!!!! eksagujekjsgkjg
        Please disregard.  I was mistaken.  The government is good.
        Long live the Democrats! 
                  -- Sincerely Nicholas Salvatore Attanasio

Thanks Nick! We hope things work out.

Alison Sheets - And finally Alison Sheets has written us. After winning 10 gold medals in gymnastics at the previous Olympics, she has gone on to become the CEO of IBM. She is enjoying raising her two children, Anja and Axel, at her new home in Moose-Jaw Saskatchewan. Lots of Luck Alison!
Chris Trompeter - Chris has been updating us on his road tour with his band called Kill JC. They are a death metal band with tracks titling "Death to Scholl", "Belser Arena", "Bomb the lunchroom", and "Steal from the Bookstore." He is touring the outer Limits right now and plans on returning to the US when hell freezes over. Chris sent this report via e-mail. Just drop us a line when you get back!

As always, if you know of anyone we've missed, just e-mail us!

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